CROSBY, STILLS, ERNST & YOUNG

Ever since the merger of two institutions – one a folk-rock supergroup and the other an old established accounting firm – CSE&Y appeal to rock fans and accountants alike. On the 30th anniversary of their album, Four-Way Spreadsheet, we caught up with Theodore Ernst, best known for middle harmony, lead guitar and assurance and advisory business services.

TR: CSE&Y is a strong organization.

EP: Yes. Our house is very, very, very fine house.

TR: Fine house. You made your debut at the first Woodstock shareholders meeting.

EP: There’s a film of us in the boardroom. You can see us saying, “This is only our second

presentation, man. We’re scared shitless.”

TR: What do you say to people who say that money and rock and roll don’t go together?

EP: “Money (That’s What I Want)” by Barrett Strong. “Money” by Pink Floyd. “It’s Money That I

Love” by Randy Newman. “For the Love of Money” by the O’Jays. “Gimme Some Money”

by Spinal Tap. “Shitloads of Money” by Liz Phair.

TR: Which comes first – the music, the lyrics or the identification of information technology

vulnerabilities?

EP: It’s hard to separate the three, man. They all kind of blend together.

TR: Last year you took on the Bush administration with your anthem “Let’s Audit the

President.” You showed the president’s tax returns on giant screens in your stage show.

Did you have any negative fallout from that?

EP: No, we never did. On the other hand, the Deloitte Chicks made an offhand remark about

how they’re ashamed the president’s tax preparer is from Texas, and they got booted from

the American Accounting Association.

TR: One of your most powerful songs is “Almost Sold My Portfolio.”

EP: Yeah. It’s crazy, but sometimes I feel there’s more to life than my holdings.

TR: My goodness. What do you do when that happens?

EP: I go to financial rehab. There’s one near my house.

TR: Will there be any surprises on the tour?

EP: We have a new version of “For What It’s Worth” called “It’s Worth $2.4 Million.” It sums up

our anti-authoritarian feelings as well as the returns you can expect if you avail yourself of

our services.

TR: Other groups/accounting firms have compromised their ideals. But not you.

EP: We’ve seen friends and colleagues get wasted on the way – by drugs, death, or even

worse, law firms – but you don’t have to be helpless.

TR: Helpless.

EP: Helpless. Just keep on rockin’ in the free market.

— Dr. Lester S. Carboni

"Close to 1962"

ARCHIVE.

THEY ARE THE EGGMEN:

Rick Majestic

Dr. Lester S. Carboni

ROCK AND ROLL AUDIENCE HALL OF FAME 2007 INDUCTEES

For their efforts as pioneers of rock and roll audience behavior, this year’s nominees include Rob Turnblad, the first fan to annoyingly hold up his cellphone like a lighter; Cindy Delaney and Josephine Welb, the first women to make it socially acceptable to talk during quiet songs; Betty E. Jankins, the first fan to be more interested in her text messages than in the band she paid good money to see; and Horst “Fanboy” Ehrlich, the first amateur “photographer” to use camera flashes that blinded the audience, performers, and anyone else within a 150-mile radius.

Last year’s inductees included Elmer Johnson, the first guy to shout “Freebird” at a non-Lynyrd Skynyrd show; S.E. Brad, the first non-hippie to lie about going to Woodstock; and Gerald Plit, the first audience member to clap stupidly with his hands over his head.

— Dr. Lester S. Carboni

From NEWS FLASK!

NEW ROCK MUSICALS FOR 2007!

COUNTRY MUSIC BANNED FROM COUNTRY MUSIC AWARDS

NASHVILLE – After banning the Dixie Chicks, the Country Music Awards is taking the next logical step – banning country music from the awards show altogether.

“Country music ideals have been established in everything from Larry the Cable Guy to Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? ” said a spokesman. “We don’t need the actual music anymore.”

Nashville executives said they also planned to ban the Country Music Awards from the Country Music Awards, which is part of a larger movement to ban country music from country music.

The executives are hopeful, as they have already banned freedom of speech from freedom of speech. “We taught people that although the Dixie Chicks had the right to

free speech, they had no right to free speech,” said one. “It makes sense if you don’t think about it.”

Experts predicted country music would go the way of rockabilly and doo wop, but its core values would live on. “As long as we have NASCAR, boozing and social intolerance, we won’t miss Rascal Flatts and Gretchen Wilson,” said one. “Well, maybe Gretchen.”

Hoping to follow in the sequined footsteps of Dreamgirls are these hip new shows:

Anarchy! Broadway’s first punk rock musical. "Movin' Out" meets the

Sex Pistols. God save the audience.

Harry Potter and the Angry Inch. When Harry’s wand is shortened by Lord Voldemort, Harry transforms himself into a drag queen rock star, backed by a band that includes Nearly Headless Nick and Nearly Drugless Boy George.

TRENT. Feel-good show about Sen. Trent Lott (R-MS), who resigned as Senate Republican Leader in 2002 for his remarks in support of –

Strommy. “Strommy, can you hear me?” This musical about the late Sen. Strom Thurmond (R-SC) features “Talkin’ ’Bout

My Segregation,” “The Klans Are All Right,” and “Can’t Explain,” in which Strommy tries to tell his secret love child why he’s paying for her college tuition but fighting against

her civil rights.

Chicked. A Dixie Chicks version of “Wicked,” in which three Dorothys get

kicked out of the Emerald City for

criticizing the Wizard. Highlight: the

country DJ who sings “If I Only Had a

Brain.”

Other upcoming shows include The Rocky Balboa Picture Show, Jacques Brel is

Alive and Well and Living in Paris

Hilton and two gangsta rap musicals, The Bling & I and Drive-By Birdie...

REVIEW OF ALL 773 TRACKS ON "BOB DYLAN: THE COLLECTION" ON iTUNES BY DR. LESTER S. CARBONI

Excerpt No. 1: From Bob Dylan we start with "You're No Good." We get the opening harmonica and the first verse -- a bold taste of the album to follow.

Next is . . . Oh no. I'm out of space.

STREAMED FREE AND DOWNLOADED FOR $9.98

TYRANNOSAURUS ROCKS COPYRIGHT 2007 BY JOHN MARSHALL AND TODD RUTT. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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Carly ended 40 years of Anticipation by revealing the person Who's So Vain is someone no one knows. Now when David Geffen hears the song, he can say, "I DO think it's about me and it is, it is, it IS about me."

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Rick Majestic

The Recession Era's Greatest Hits

The Recalls

I see you driving down the street

In your car or truck

Your brakes don’t work

Your gas pedal is stu - uh uh, uh - uck

Here it comes again

Unwanted acceleration under the starry skies

Here it comes again

The CEO’s going to apologize

My best friend’s Toyotas

They used to not suck

(The gas pedal’s still…stuck)

– “My Best Friend’s Toyotas”

The Recalls are a new hybrid of two new automotive genres, Japanese decline and American malaise. Whereas previous artists such as Chuck Berry and Bruce Springsteen celebrated the romance of the automobile and the call of the open road, the Recalls sing of faulty electronics systems and sticky floor mats.

Songs include “Let the Complaints Roll,” “Bye Bye Lexus,” “You’re All I’ve Killed Tonight,” “Just What I Bleeded” and “I’m in Touch With Your Customer Relations Department.”

This is the Recalls’ first CD and also their last, because all CDs have been recalled as well as the Recalls themselves.

A spokesman for the group said, “You have my personal commitment that we will work vigorously and unceasingly to restore the trust of the people we have the most contempt for. I mean, our customers.”